Rhode Island: My Humble Trip to Newport's Gilded Age

Ah, Newport, Rhode Island. Land of sprawling lawns, envy-inducing yachts, and mansions that would make Gatsby shed a tear (of inadequacy, of course). I ventured there recently, ready to soak up the fancy vibes and, let's be honest, pretend to be a Vanderbilt for a weekend.

First stop: The White Horse Tavern, the oldest restaurant in America (founded in 1673, for those of you keeping score at home). Let me tell you, this place oozes history. The walls whispered tales of pirates, revolutionaries, and probably a few very wealthy hangovers. The food? Amazing! I devoured a lobster roll that could feed a small family of seagulls, and the atmosphere was just delightful. Pro tip: Practice your fancy shrimp-peeling skills beforehand. Messing with a lobster roll in a place older than your country can be a bit stressful.

Next on the agenda: mansion overload! Rosecliff, with its grand staircase and Tiffany glass windows, felt like a place where you'd expect to see someone waltzing down in a ballgown. Fun fact: they filmed a portion of the movie "The Great Gatsby" here, so basically, I practically waltzed down those stairs myself (in my head, at least).

The Marble House, all gleaming white marble and extravagant fireplaces, was built by a fella named William K. Vanderbilt (yes, another Vanderbilt) for his wife. Apparently, Mrs. Vanderbilt wasn't a huge fan of the cold, so they only used the house for a few months a year. Rough life, right?

Finally, The Breakers. This behemoth has 70 rooms, a four-lane bowling alley (because, you know, essentials), and a giant freakin' organ. It's more than a house, it's a playground for the obscenely wealthy. There's a rumor that the servants used to roller skate through the corridors to get their jobs done faster. Now that's an image I won't soon forget.

Let me tell you, by the end of the day, I was exhausted from all the opulence. My head spun with visions of crystal chandeliers and gilded bathtubs (seriously, these people had FANCY bathrooms). But here's the thing: These weren't just houses, they were time capsules. A glimpse into a bygone era of outrageous wealth and excess.

And a big shout out to the Newport Preservation Society for keeping these architectural wonders standing. Because let's be honest, if it weren't for them, these summer cottages (because, yes, these were just SUMMER HOMES for these crazy rich folks) would probably be condos by now.

So, would I recommend a trip to Newport? Absolutely! Just remember to pack your most extravagant daydreams and maybe a hefty dose of perspective. After all, a little reality check goes a long way when you're surrounded by enough gold to make Fort Knox jealous.